30 Weeks and Some Good Advice

Today I am 30 weeks along - only three weeks away from when I gave birth to Olivia.  I have to admit that I'm becoming a bit more anxious as we get closer.  I would dearly love to make it to May, but other than what we have been doing it's not really up to me!
I'm also getting more anxious about the c-section, trying to BF again, etc.  So many people have such strong convictions one way or another about all the decisions that happen regarding a baby's birth and first few weeks of life.  All of the guilt and anxiety and stress over single decision did nothing to help me be a better mom and if you've read my story with postpardum depression you know that eventually it nearly disabled my ability to parent altogether. 
A wise woman at my church gave me some very good advice to help me have perspective regarding all of it.  She said, "Look around sometime at the adults around you.  You can't tell who was born at home or whose mom had an epidural or a c-section.  You can't tell who was BF for a month, a year, 2+ years, or never at all.  Do what you need to do to survive and just make the best decisions you can based on your situation and your baby will be just fine."
How I needed to hear those words then and how I need to remind myself of them now.  Pretty much all of the grand plans I had for Olivia went out the window once my water broke at 33 weeks and we found out she was breech, along with the NICU stay.  But I look at her now and she is just so...normal.  Healthy, happy, smart, funny, growing, learning, asserting her independence, everything a two-year-old should be - regardless of the fact that nothing went according to my plan.
My gift to this baby is to let go of the guilt and anxiety to the best of my ability.  To make the best decisions I can for our particular circumstances.  To get help when I need it and not to wait thinking it will just get better or that I'm somehow undeserving.  To do my best not only to survive as a mother of two but to thrive!


Jacqueline said…
What great advice! I'll be praying for Molly and for the rest of you as you transition into a family of four! Blessings to you!
Anonymous said…
It's Esther, just checking in and your latest post touched my heart. My brother was a C-section (69 yrs ago!) Mom had a ruptured appendix and was several weeks overdue. Long story short drs said she'd never have any more kids...but here I am AND I was a natural birth. Impossible, right? Medicine is not an exact science. That's why they say "practice medicine". You got good advice, do what you can, what works for you and cut yourself some slack. You're a great mom. Olivia is living proof of that! Molly will be, too
Hil said…
I really wish someone had said this to me. I too was so overwhelmed by all the stress and anxiety of making the wrong decision and screwing my kids up I sent myself into panic attacks and major anxiety that I still struggle with. Thanks for the share Emily.
Brenda Collins said…
1st of all, I think C-sections are AWESOME! It's like a zipper...open up, baby out, close it up! And I don't pee when I laugh ;). The goal is a healthy mama and a healthy baby! Dr's are not out to get you, they are there for you and the baby! As far as BF...do what is best of your family! That lady is so right on the nose! If it works, great, if not great too. The most important is the part is the that you all love your baby and you've already accomplished that! SO way to be awesome parents already!!!!! I can't believe that people give such strong opinions around others...they are not in your shoes! The NICU thing was hard enough without people telling you what you are doing wrong. Will continue to pray for you and that the baby STAYS in there!!!!!
Take care!!!

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